V'-"/^ 



i J 


^^H 




H 





^■. /ffsH//fqfo//f0q 



■11 y 



^/; vTi 






:^r*'} 



■;■•>■/>-■ 


>,%.t^' • 


r_.- , 


i 




■2y^ 


»3 




■ ^■: i 


^ 




''• "•! 


i 







LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 



n 



:i-5. 






UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 




/ 



^ 



Knickerbocker Sketches 



FROM 



"A HISTORY OF NEW YORK.' 



BY 

WASHINGTON IRVING. 



ILLUSTRATED BY F. O. C. DARLEY. 




P H T T, A T) F, T-V n T A : 

J. B. LIPPINCOTT CO^IPANY. 

1886. 



■I 



Copyright, 1880, by J. B. Lippincott Company. 






PREFACE. 



This volume of sketches from " Knickerbocker's History of 
New York" contains not only mucli that is brightest and most 
entertaining in all Washington Irving's writings, but also some 
of the best specimens of the artistic work of ]\Ir. F. (). V. 
Darlev ; and it is therefore the hope of the publishers that it 
will commend itself to all lovers of literatmv and art. 



COISrTE]S"TS. 



PAOE 

Y/Tiik Skttlement ok New York 9 

V The Golden Reign of "VVoutek Van Tvvillek 34 

1 The Reign of William the Testy 40 

V The Reign of 1'etkk Stcyvesant 65 



LIST OF ILLUSTEATIOJN'S. 



Oloffe's Vision of the Future City of New Amsterdam. Frontispiece 

PAGE 

Oloffe Van Kortland measuring the Land with Ten Broeck's 

Breeches 29 

Portrait of Wouter Van Twiller 37 

William the Testy astonishing the Council by his New Method 

of Making "War ^3 

Van Poffenburgh Practising War 73 

KisiNGH AND Peter Stuyvesant 83 



VIGNETTES. 

Dutch Exploring Expedition cast away at IIell-Gate "22 

Dutch Courtship ■l^ 

Van Curlet's Bearer of Despatches 51 

Great Battle at Fort Christina 87 



THE SETTLEMENT OF NEW YORK. 




I. 



|T was some three or four years after the return of 
the immortal Hondrick,* that a crew of honest, 
Lo\\-I)utfh coluuiists set sail from the city of Am- 
sterdam for the shores of xVmcrica. It is an irrej)- 
arable loss to history, and a ijreat proof of the darkness of the 
age, and the lamentable neglect of the noble art of book-making, 
since so industriously cultivated by knowing sea-captains, and 
learned supercargoes, that an expedition so interesting and im- 
portant in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To 
my great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for the few 
facts I am enabled to give concernhig it, — he liaving once more 
embarked for this country, Avith a full determination, as he said, 
of ending his days here, and of begetting a race of Knicker- 
bockers that should rise to be great men in the land. 

The ship ill wliicli these illustrious adventurers set sail was 
called the Goede Vromo, or good woman, in compliment to the 
wife of the President of the West India Company, who was 
allowed by everybody (except her husband) to be a sweet-tem- 
])ored lady — when not in liquor. It was in truth a most gal- 
lant vessel, of the most approved Dutch construction, and made 

* Hendrick Hudson, the discoverer. 

2 9 



10 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

by the ablest H^hip-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well 
known, always model their ships after the fair forms of their 
countrywomen. Accordingly, it had one hundred feet in the 
beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one hundred feet from 
the bottom of the stern-post to the tatferel. Like the beauteous 
model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, 
it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous cat-iieads, a 
copper bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop I 

The architect, who was somewhat of a religious man, far 
from decorating the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, 
Neptune, or Hercules (which heathenish abominations, I have 
no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and shipAvreck of many a 
noble vessel), — he, I say on the contrary, did laudably erect for 
a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low, 
broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk-hose, and a 
pipe that reached to the end of the bowsprit. Thus gallantly 
furnished, the stanch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, 
out of the harbor of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the 
bells, that were not otherwise engaged, rang a triple bobmajor 
on the joyful occasion. 

My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was un- 
commonly })rosperous, for, being under the esi^ecial care of the 
ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be en- 
dowed with qualities unknown to common vessels. Thus she 
made as much leeway as headway, could get along very nearly 
as fast with tiie wind ahead as when it was a-poo}), — and was 
l)arti<Mi]arlv great in a calm ; in consequence of which singular 
advantages she made out to accom])lish her voyage in a very 
few months, and came to anch(»r at the mouth of the Hudson, 
a little to the east of Gibbet Island. 

Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on what is at pres- 



THE SETTLEMENT OP^ NEW YolHv. 11 

ent called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly 
embowered in a grove of" spreading elms, and the natives all 
collected on the beach, gazing in stupid admiration at the Goede 
Vrouw. A l)oat was immediately despatched to enter into a treaty 
Avith them, and approaching the shore, hailed tlicni throngh a 
trumpet, in the most friendly terms ; but so horril>ly confounded 
were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth soiuid 
of the Low-Dutch language, that they one and all took to their 
lunds, and scampered over the Bergen hills; nor did they stop 
until they liad buried themselves, head and ears, in the marshes 
on the other side, where they all miserably perished to a man ; 
— and their bones, being collected and decently covered by the 
Tammany iSocicty of that day, formed that singular mound 
called Katti^esnake Hill, which rises out of the centre of 
the salt marshes a little to the east of the Xewark Causeway. 
Animated by this unlooked-for victory, our valiant heroes 
sprang ashore in trium[)h, took possession of the soil as con- 
querors, in the name of their High Mightinesses the Lords 
States General ; and, marching fearlessly forward, carried the 
village of Commuxipaw by storm, notwithstanding that it was 
vigorously defendetl by some half a score of old s(|uaws and 
l)a])pooses. On looking about them they were so transported 
with the excellencies of the place, that they had very little 
doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had gui<led them thither, as the 
.very spot whereon to settle their colony. The softness of the 
soil was M'onderfully adapted to the driving of |)ilcs ; the 
swamps and marshes around them afforded am])l(' opjxtrtunities 
for the constructing of dykes and dams ; the shallowness of the 
shore was peculiarly favorable to the building of docks ; — in a 
word, this spot abounded with all the rccpiisites foi" the foun- 
dation of a great Dutch city. On making a faithful report. 



12 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

tlu'refore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw, tliey one and all 
determined that this was the destined end of their voyage. Ac- 
cordingly they descended from the Goede Yronw, men, women, 
and children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from 
the ark, and formed themselves into a thriving settlement, whicii 
they called by the Indian name Communipaw. 




11. 



HE rivw of the Goode Vrouw beiiic: soon reinforced 
by fresh importations from Holland, the settlement 
went jollily on, inercasinu; in niai>;nitude and pros- 
perity. The neighboring Indians in a short time 
became accnstomed to the uncouth sound of the Dutch lan- 
guage, and yn intercourse gradually took place between them 
and the new comers. The Indians were nuuh given to long 
talks, and the Dutch to long silence ; — in this particular, there- 
fore, they accommodated each other completely. The chiefs 
would make long speeches about the big bull, the Wabash, and 
the Great Spirit, to which the others would listen very atten- 
tively, smoke their pipes, and grunt i/ah, )ni/u-/i<'r, — whereat the 
poor savages were wondrously delighted. They instructed the 
new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, 
while the latter, in return, made them drunk with true Hol- 
lands — and then taught them the art of making l)argains. 

A brisk trade for furs was soon opened ; the Dutch traders 
were scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by 
weight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois, that 
the hand of a Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two 
poinids. It is true, the sim])le Indians were often puzzled by 
the great disproportion between bulk and weigiit, for let them 
place a bundle of furs, never so large, in one scale, and a Dutch- 
man put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to 
kick the beam ; — never was a ])ackage of furs known to weigh 
more than two jxiuitds in tlie market of C'onnnunijjaw ! 

This is a singular fact, — Ijut I have it direct from my 

13 



14 KXICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable impor- 
tance in tlie colony, being promoted to the office of weigh- 
master, on account of the uncommon heaviness of his foot. 

The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now 
to assume a very thriving appearance, and were comprehended 
under the general title of Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the 
sage Vandcr Donck observes, of their great resemblance to the 
Dutch Netherlands, — which indeed was truly remarkable, ex- 
cepting that the former were rugged and mountainous, and the 
latter level and marshy. About this time the tran([uillity of 
the Dutch colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interrup- 
tion. In 1614, Captain Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a com- 
mission from Dale, governor of Virginia, visited the Dutch 
settlements on Hudson River, and demanded their submission 
to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this arro- 
gant demand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they 
submitted for the time, like discreet and reasonable men. 

It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the set- 
tlement of Communipaw ; on the contrary, I am told that when 
his vessel first hove in sight, the worthy burghers M'ere seized 
with such a ])anic, that they fell to smoking their pi])es with as- 
tonishing vehemence; insomuch that they quickly raised a ckmd, 
which, combining with the surrounding woods and marshes, com- 
pletely enveloped an<l concealed their beloved village, and overhung 
the tiiir regions of Pavonia, — so that the terrible Captain Argal 
passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settle- 
ment lay snugly couched in the nuid, under cover of all this pesti- 
lent vapor. In commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy 
inhabitants have continued to smoki;, almost without intermission, 
unto this vcrv day ; wliidi is said to he the cause of" the remarkable 
f()g which often hangs over Comnnnnjiaw of a clear aftrrncton. 



THE SETTLKMKNT OF NEW YORK. 15 

Upon the departure of the enemy, our worthy ancestors took 
full six months to recover their wind and get over the conster- 
nation into Avhicli they had been thrown. They then called a 
council of safety to smoke over the state of the province. At 
this council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, a pereonage 
who was held in great reverence among the sages of Comnui- 
nipaw for the variety and darkness of his knowledge. lie had 
originally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers wIkj 
passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side of 
the great canal of Anistcnlani in Holland; enjoying, like Dio- 
genes, a free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name 
Kortlandt (Shortland or Lackland) was su]>]X)sed, like that of 
the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had no hind ; 
but he insisted, on the contrary, that he had great landed es- 
tates somewiurc in Terra Incognita; and he had come out to 
the new world to look after them. He Mas the Hrst great 
land-speculator that we read of in these parts. 

Like all land-s})eculators, he was much given to dreaming. 
Never did anything extraordinary happen at Communipaw but 
he declared that he had previously dreamt it, being one of those 
infallible prophets who predict events after they have come to 
pass. This supernatural gift was as highly valued among the 
burghers of Pavonia as among the enlightened nations of an- 
ti(piity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping 
than his waking uionicnts for his most subtle achievements, and 
seldom undertook any great ex])loit without first soundly sleep- 
ing upon it ; and the same may be said of Oloffe Van Kort- 
landt, who was thence aptly denominated (Oloffe the Dreamer. 

As yet his dreams and specidations had turned to little 
personal profit ; and he was as nnich a lack-land as ever. Still 
he carried a high head in the community ; if his sugar-loaf hat 



16 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

was rather the worse for wear, he set it off with a taller cock's- 
tail ; if liis sliirt was none of the cleanest, he puffed it out tlie 
more at the bosom ; and if the tail of it peeped out of a hole 
in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and 
was not mere ruffle. 

Tiie worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, 
urired tlie policy of emerging from tlic swamps of Communi- 
paw and seeking some more eligible site for the seat of empire. 
Such, he said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who had 
appeared to him in a dream the night before; and whom he had 
known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance 
which he bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. 

Many have thought this dream Avas a mere invention of 
Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever regarded Com- 
munipaw with an evil eye because he had arrived there after 
all the land had been shared out, and who was anxious to 
change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might 
be present at the distribution of " town lots." But we nnist not 
give heed to such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced 
against those worthy gentlemen engaged in laying out towns, and 
in other land-speculations. For my own part, I am disposed to 
place the same implicit faith in the vision of Oloffe the Dreamer 
that was manifested by the honest burghers of Communipaw, who 
one and all agreed that an expedition should be forthwith fitted 
out to go on a voyage of discovery in quest of a new seat of empire. 

This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe him- 
self; who chose as lieutenants or coadjutors Mynheers Abraham 
Ilardenbroeck, Jacobus Yan Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck, — 
three indubitably great men, but of whose history, although I 
have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little previous to 
their leavintr Holland. 



ITI. 




O sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phop])Us dart 
into the windows of C'oninmnipaw, than the little 
settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from 
his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a 
conch shell, blew a far-resounding blast, that soon summonwl all 
his lustv followers. Then did they trudge resolutely down to 
the water-side, escorted by a nudtitude of relatives and friends, 
who all went down, jis the common phrase expresses it, "to 
see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long 
family processions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, 
sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and bandboxes, escorting 
some bevy of country cousins, about to depart for home in a 
market-boat. 

The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a S(|uadron of three 
canoes, and hoisted his H:ig on board a little round Dutch boat, 
shaped not unlike a ttd), which had formerly been the jolly- 
boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all being end)arked, they 
bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the beach, who con- 
tinued shouting after them, even when out of hearing, wishing 
them a happy voyiige, advising them to take good care of them- 
selves not to get drowned, — with an al)undance other of those 
saire and invaluable cautions, generallv trivcn bv landsmen to 
such as go down to the sea in shij)s, and adventure upon the 
dee}) waters. In the mean while the voyagers cheerily urge<l 
their course across the crystal bosom of the bay, and soon left 
behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. 

And first thev touched at two small islands which lay 

3 17 



18 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

nearly opposite Coniimmipaw, and which are said to have been 
broiii^ht into existence about the time of the great irruption of 
the Hudson, when it broke through the Highlands and made 
its way to the ocean. 

Ix'aving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by 
Governor's Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and 
grinning batteries. They would by no means, however, land 
upon this island, since they doubted much it might be the 
abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did greatly 
abound throughout this savage and pagan country. 

Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and 
tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and 
spouting up the briny element in sparkling showers. No sooner 
did the sage Oloife mark this than he was greatly rejoiced. 
" This," exclaimed he, " if I mistake not, augurs well : the })or- 
poise is a fat, M'ell-conditioned fish, — a burgomaster among fishes, 
— his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity ; I greatly ad- 
mire this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen 
of the success of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his 
squadron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. 

Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept uj) the 
strait vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide 
which courses through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in 
which Commodore Van Kortlandt had embarked, hurried it 
forward with a velocity un])aralleled in a Dutch boat, navi- 
gated by Dutchmen ; insoinucli that the good comuiodorc, who 
had all his lii'c long been accustoincd only to the drowsv navi- 
gation of canals, was more than ever convinctxl that they were 
in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly 
]ior]X)ises were towing them to some fair haven that was to 
fulfil all their wishes and expectations. 



THE SETTLEMENT OF NEW YORK. 19 

Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubletl tliat 
boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,* and leav- 
ing; to the ritrht the rich winding cove of the Walhil)ont, they 
drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, snrronn<led by pleas- 
ant shores, whose verdure was exceedingly refreshing to the eye. 
While the voyagers were looking around them, on what they 
conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at a dis- 
tance a crew of painted savages, busily employetl in fishing, 
who seemed more like the genii of this romantic region, — their 
slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating 
surface of the bay. 

At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw 
were not a little troubled. But as good fortune would have 
it, at the bow of the commodore's boat was stationed a very 
valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being interpreted, 
means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage). No 
sooner did he behold these varlet heathens than he trembled 
with excessive valor, and although a good half-mile distant, he 
seized a nuisketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his 
head, fired it most intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. 
The blundering weapon recoiled and gave the valiant Kip an 
ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate with uplifted heels 
in the bottom of the boat. But such was the eftect of this 
tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with 
consternation, seized hastily U])on their paddles, and shot away 
into one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. 

This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers ; and 
in honor of the achievement they gave the name of the valiant 
Kip to the surrounding bay, and it has continued to be called 
Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The heart of the 

• * Properly spelt hoeck {i.e., a. puint <>f land). 



20 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

frood Van Kortlandt — who, having no land of his own, was a 
great achiiirer of other people's — expanded to the full size of a 
pepper-corn at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country 
around him, and falling into a delicious revery, he straightway 
began to riot in the possession of vast meadows of salt marsh 
and interminable patches of cabbages. From this delectable 
vision he was all at once awakened l)v the sudden turning of 
the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this land of 
promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for 
shore ; Avhere they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights 
of Bellevue, — that happy retreat, where our jolly aldermen eat 
for the good of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed 
on civic solemnities. 

Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream 
that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves 
after the toils of the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample 
stores which they had provided for this perilous voyage. Thus 
having well fortified their deliberative powers, they fell into an 
earnest consultation, what was farther to be done. 

By this time the jolly Phcebus, like some wanton urchin 
sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll down the 
declivity of the heavens; and now, the tide having once more 
turned in their favor, the Pavonians again committed themselves 
to its discretion, and coasting along the western shores, were 
borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island. 

And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned 
not a little marvel and ])(>r])lcxity t<i these illustrious mariners. 
Now would they be caught by the wanton eddies, and, swec])ing 
round a jutting point, would wind deep into some romantic little 
cove, that indented the fair island of Manna hatta; now were 
th(y hiUTicd narrowly by the very bases of impending rocks, 



THE SETTLEMENP OF NKW YORK, 21 

mantled Avith tlic flaiintiii*ij <2:ra})o-vine, and crowned witli jri-oves 
which threw a broad sliade on the waves beneatli ; and anon 
they were borne away into the mid-channel and wafted alonii; 
with a rapidity that very much discomposed the sage \'an 
Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly receding on either 
side, be<ran exceediny-Jv to doubt that terra ixniui was oiviuL:: 
them the slip. 

At length the mighty tub of Commodore \'an Kortlandt 
was drawn into the vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called 
the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy mazes, until the 
senses of the good commander and his crew were overpowered 
by the horror of the scene, and the strangeness of the revolu- 
tion. 

How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched I'roni 
the jaws of this modern diarvbdis, has never been truly made 
known, for so many survived to tell the talc, and, what is still 
more wonderful, told it in so many ditfercut ways, that there 
has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions on the subject. 

As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to 
their senses, they found themselves stranded on the Ijong Island 
shore. The worthy commodore, indeed, used to relate many nu<l 
wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril : how 
that he saw spectres flying in the air, and heard the yelling of 
hobgoblins, and put his hand into the pot when they were 
whirletl round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld 
several uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming 
it with huge ladles ; but particularly he declared with great ex- 
ultation, that he saw the losel ]>orpoises, which had betrayed 
them into this jh'HI, some broiling on the (xridiron, and othere 
hissing on the Frying-pan ! 

These, however, were considered by nuniy as mere fantasies 



22 



KNICKERBOCKKR SK ETCHES. 



of the commodore, while he lav in a trance; especially as he 
was known to be given to dreaniin<«; ; and the truth of tliem 
has never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, however, that 
to the accounts of Oloffe and his followers may be traced the 
various traditions handed down of this marvellous strait : as 
how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of the Hog's 
liack and j)laying on the fiddle, — how he broils fish there be- 
fore a storm ; and many other stories in which we must be cau- 
tious of putting too much fiiith. In consequence of all these 
terrific circumstances, the Pavonian commander gave this pass 
the name of Ilelle-gaf, or, as it has been interpreted, Hell-Gate; 
which it continues to bear at the present day. 




IV. 




HE darkness of nio;lit had closed upon this disastrous 
day, and a doleful night wjis it to the shipwrecked 
Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with 
the rau'liig of the elements, and the howling of the 
hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. J3ut when the 
morning dawned, the horrors of the preceding evening hatl 
passed away ; ra})ids, breakers, and whirlpools had disappeared ; 
the stream again ran smooth and dimpling, and having changed 
its tide, rolled gently back, towards the quarter where lay their 
miich-regretted home. 

The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other 
with rueful countenances ; their squadron had been totally dis- 
persed by the late disaster. Some were cast ujion the western 
shore, where, headed by one Kuleif Hopj)er, they took possession 
of all the country lying about the six-mile stone ; which is held 
by the Hoppers at this present writing. 

The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant 
coast, where, having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they 
were enabled to conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of 
tavern ; whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, 
in which their descendants have ever since continued to be repu- 
table publicans. As to the Suydams, they were thrown u])on 
the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts. 
But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, 
falling overboard, was miraculously preserved from sinking by 
the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed n|), he 

floated on the waves like a merman, or like an angler's dobl)er, 

23 



24- KNICKERBOCKER SKETCPIES. 

until ho landed safely on a rock, where he was found the next 
niorninuc, Inisily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. 

I furl)oar to treat of the long consultation of Olotfe with 
his remaining followers, in which they determined that it would 
never do to found a city in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suf- 
fice it in simple brevity to say, that they once more committed 
themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny elements, and 
steered their course back again through the scenes of their yes- 
terday's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of dis- 
tant sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions 
of Pavonia. 

Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Commu- 
nipaw, when they were encountered by an obstinate eddy, which 
opi)osed their homeward voyage. Weary and dispirited as they 
were, they yet tugged a feeble oar against the stream ; until, as 
if to settle the strife, half a score of potent billows rolled the 
tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long 
point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay. 

Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune 
to strand the expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded 
his stronghold in this western world ; others, more pious, at- 
tribute everything to the guardianship of the good St. Nicholas ; 
and after-events will be found to corroborate this opinion. 
Olotfe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman. Every re- 
past was a kind of religious rite with him ; and his first 
thouglit on finding him once more on dry ground, was, how 
he should contrive to celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell- 
gate and all its horrors by a solemn bancpiet. The stores 
which had been ])rovided for the voyage by the good house- 
Avives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted, but, in casting 
his eyes about, the commodore beheld that the shore abounded 



THE .SKTTLKMENT OF NKAV Vollk". ZO 

with oysters. A great store of these was instantly collected ; a 
tire was made at the foot of a tree; all hands fell to roasting 
and broiling and stewing and frying, and a siunptuous repast 
was soon set forth. This is thonght to be the origin of those 
civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our pnblic affairs 
are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to play an 
inij)ortant part. 

On the present occasion, the worthy Van Kortlandt was ob- 
served to be ])articularly zealous in his devotions to the trencher ; 
for having the cares of the expedition especially coniniittcd to 
his care, he deemed it incumbent on him to cat profoundly for 
the public good. In proportion as he filled himself to the very 
brim with the dainty viands before him, did the heart of this 
excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he seemed 
crammed and almost choked with good eating and good-nature. 
And at such times it is, when a man's heart is in his thr(»at, 
that he may more truly be said to speak from it, and his 
speeches abound with kindness and good fellowship. Thus 
having swallowed the last possible morsel, and washed it down 
with a fervent i)otation, Olotlie felt his heart yearning, and his 
whole frame in a manner dilating with unl)oun<U'<l benevolence. 
Everything ai'ound him seemed excellent and delightful ; and 
laying his hantls on each side of his capacious periphery, and 
rolliuii- his half-dosed eves around on the beautiful diversitv of 
land and water before him, he exclaimed, in a fat half-smothered 
voice, " What a rharming j)rospect !" Tiie words died away in 
his throat, — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a mo- 
ment, — his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs, — his head 
drooped upon his bosom, — he slowly sank upon the green turf, 
and a deep sleep stole gradually over him. 

A.nd the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream, — and lo, the good 

4 



26 KXICKEUIJOCKER SKETCHES. 

St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of the trees, in that self- 
same wajjon wiierein he brings his yearly presents to children, 
and he descended hard by where the heroes of Communipaw 
had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by the fire, 
and sat himself down and smoked ; and as he smoked, the 
smoke from his pipe ascended into the air and spread like a 
clond overhead. And Oloife bethonght him, and he hastened 
and climbed up to the top of one of the tallest trees, and saw 
that the smoke spread over a great extent of country ; and as 
he considered it more attentively, he iancied that the great vol- 
ume of smoke assumed a variety of marvellous forms, where in 
dim obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and 
lofty spires, all of which lasted but a moment, and then faded 
away, until the wiiole- rolled off, and nothing but the green 
woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had smoked his pipe, 
he twisted it in his hat-band, and laying his finger beside his 
nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look ; 
then, mounting his wagon, he returned over the tree-tops and 
disajipeared. 

And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed ; 
and he aroused his companions and related to them his dream, 
and interpreted it, that it was the will of St. Nicholas that 
they should settle down and build the city here; and that the 
smoke of the pipe was a tyi)e how vast M'ould be the extent 
of the city, inasnnich as the volumes of its smoke would spread 
over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice 
assented to this interpretation, excepting iSIynheer Ten ]>roeek, 
who declared the meaning to be that it would be a city wherein 
a little fire would occasion a great smoke, or, in other words, 
a very vaporing little city ; — both which interpretations have 
strangely come to pass ! 



THE SETTLKMKNT OF NEW YORK. 27 

The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being 
thus ha|)pily aoconipli.shed, the voyagers returned merrily to 
Coniniunipaw, — where they were received with great rejoicings. 
And here, calling a general meeting of all the wise men and 
the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related the whole history <»f 
their voyage, and of the dream of Olott'c \"an Kortlandt. And 
die people lifted u}) their voices and blessed the good 8t. Nich- 
olas; and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was 
held in more honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, 
and Mas pronounced a most useful citizen and a right good 
man — when he was asleep. 




Y. 



|T having been solemnly resolved that the seat of em- 
pire .should be removed from the green shores of 
Pavonia to the pleasant island of Manna-hata, every- 
body was anxious to embark under the standard of 
Olotfe the Dreamer, and to be among the first sharers of the 
promised huid. A day was appointed for the grand migration, 
and on tliat day little Communipaw was in a buzz and a bustle 
like a hive in swarming-time. Houses were turned inside out 
and stripped of the v^enerablc furniture which had come from 
Holland ; all the comnuuiity, great and small, black and Avliite, 
man, woman, and child, was in commotion, forming lines from 
the houses to the water-side, like lines of ants from an ant-hill ; 
everybody laden with some article of household furniture ; while 
busy housewives plied backwards and forwards along the lines, 
helping everything forward by the nimbleness of their tongues^ 

By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with 
all kinds of household articles ; ponderous tables ; chests of 
drawers resplendent with brass ornaments; quaint cornir-cup- 
boards ; beds and bedsteads ; M'ith any quantity of pots, kettles, 
frying-pans, and Dutch ovens, Tn each boat embarked a Avhole 
family, from the robustious burgher down to the cats and dogs 
and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth 
of the Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who 
hoisted his standard on the leading boat. 

This memorable migration took place on the first of ^lay, 

and was long cite<l in tradition as the grand mor'nu/. The 

anniversary of it was piously observed among the " sons of the 
28 



THE SETTLEMENT OF NEW YORK. 31 

pilgrims of Comiminipaw," by turning their houses topsy-turvy 
and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in emblem 
of the swarming of the parent-hive; and this is the real origin 
of the universal agitation and " moving" by which this most 
restless of cities is literally turned out of doors on every May- 
day. 

As the little squadron from Communipaw drew near to the 
shores of Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of war- 
riors, appearetl to oppose their landing. Some of the most 
zealous of the pilgrims were for chastising this insolence with 
powder and ball, according to the approved mode of discover- 
ers ; but the sage Oloffe gave them the significant sign of St. 
Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and winking hard 
with one eye ; whereupon his followers perceived that there 
was something sagacious in the Avind. He now addressed the 
Indians in the blandest terms ; and made such tempting display 
of beads, hawks'-bells, and red blankets, that he was soon per- 
mitted to land, and a great land-speculation ensued. And here 
let me give the true story of the original i)urchas(' of the site 
of this renowned city, about which so much has been said and 
written. Some affirm that the first cost was but sixty guilders. 
The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition* that the 
Dutch discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide 
of a bullock would ('(tvcr; but that they cut the hide in strips 
no thicker than a child's finger, so as to take in a large por- 
tion of land, and to take in the Indians into the bargain. This, 
however, is an old fable which the worthy Dominie may have 
borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe Xmi 
Kortlandt bargained for just so nuich land as a man could 
cover with his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he 

* MSS. of the Kev. .John Heckwelder; New York Historical Society. 



32 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

produced his friend Mynheer Ten Broeek as the man whose 
breeches were to be used in measurement. The simple savao;os, 
whose ideas of a man's nether garments had never expanded 
beyond the dimensions of a breech-clout, stared with astonish- 
ment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher 
peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth 
over the land until they covered the actual site of this venera- 
ble city. 

This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the 
island of Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders ; and in cor- 
roboration of it I will add, that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his 
services on this memorable occasion, was elevated to the office of 
land-measurer ; w^hich he ever afterwards exercised in the colony. 

The land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a cir- 
cumstance very unusual in the history of colonization, and 
strongly illustrative of the honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a 
stockade fort and trading-house were forthwith erected on an 
eminence in front of the place where the good St. Nicholas had 
appeared in a vision to OlofFe the Dreamer, and which, as has 
already been observed, was the identical place at present kno\\n 
as the Bowling Green. 

Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch-built houses, 
with tiled roofs and weathercocks, soon sprang uji, nestling 
themselves under its walls for ])rotection, as a brood of half- 
fledged chickens nestle under the wings of the mother hen. 
Tlic wliole was surrounded by an enclosure of strong pali- 
sadoes, to guard against any sudden irruption of the savages. 
Outside of these extended the cornfields and cabl)age-gardens 
of the community, with here and there an attempt at a tobacco- 
plantation ; all covering those tracts of country at present called 
Broadway, ^^^lll Street, William Street, and Pearl Street. 



THE SETTLEMENT OF NEW YORK. 3o 

I must not omit to mention, that, in portioninf]^ out the 
land, a goodly " bowerie," or tarm, wa.s allotted to the .sage 
Oloffe in consideration of the service he had rendered to the 
puhlic by his talent at dreaming ; and the site of his " bow- 
erie" is knoAvn i)y the name of Kortlandt (or Cortlandt) Street 
to the present day. 

And now the infant settlement having advanced in age and 
stature, it was thought high tiuie it should receive an honest 
Christian name. Hitherto it had gone by the original Indian 
name Manua-hata, or, as some will have it, " The Maniiattoes ;" 
but this was now decried as savage and heathenish, and as tend- 
ing to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally 
possessed it. Many were the consultations held uj)on the sub- 
ject, without coming to a conclusion, for th<tugh everybody con- 
demned the old name, nobody could invent a new one. At 
length, when the council was almost in despair, a burgher, re- 
markable for the size and squareness of his head, propostxl that 
they should call it Xew xVmsterdam. Tiie proposition took 
everybody by surprise ; it Mas so striking, so apposite, so in- 
genious. The name was adopted by acclamaticm, an<l New Am- 
sterdam the metropolis was thenceforth called. Still, however, 
the early authors of the province continued to call it by the 
general appclhition of "The Manhattoes," and the poets fondly 
clung to the euplionious name of Manna-hata ; but those are a 
kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for notliing in 
matters of this kind. 

5 



THE GOLDEX REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLER. 




IT was in the year of our Lord 1029 that Mynheer 
Wouter A'^an Twiller was appointed governor of the 
province of Nieuw Nederlandts, under the commis- 
sion and control of their High Mightinesses the 
Lords States General of the United Netherlands, and the privi- 
leged West India Company. 

This renowned old gentleman arrived at Xew Amsterdam 
in the merry month of June, the sweetest month in all the 
year ; when dan Apollo seems to dance up the transparent firma- 
ment, — when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand other wanton 
songsters, make the woods to resound with amorous ditties, and 
the luxurious little boblincon revels among the clover-blossoms 
of the meadows, — all which happy coincidence persuaded the 
old dames of New Amsterdam, who Avere skilled in the art of 
foretelling events, that this was to be a hapj)y and prosperous 
administration. 

The renowned AVouter (or Walter) Van Twiller was de- 
scended from a long line of Dutch burgomasters, who had 
successively dozed away their lives, and grown fat upon the 
bench of magistracy in Rotterdam ; and A\ho had comported 

themselves with such singular wisdom and propriety, that they 
34 



THE (JOLDEX KEIGN OF WOUTEU VAN TWILI.ER. 35 

were never either heard or talke<l of — whieh, next to being 
universally ai)plau(l(Ml, siioiild he tlie ohjeet of anihition of all 
magistrate.s and rulers. There are two opposite ways by whieli 
some men make a figure in the world : one, by talking faster 
than tlu'V think, and the other, by holding their tongues and 
not thinking at all. \W the first, many a smatterer acquires 
the re])utation of a man of quiek parts; by the other, many 
a dunderpate, like the owl, the stupidest of birds, comes to 
be considered the very type of wisdom. Thi^j, by the way, is 
a casual remark, which 1 would not, for the universe, have 
it thought I a])[)ly to (Governor Van Twiller. It is true he 
was a man shut up within himself, like an ovster, and rarely 
spoke, except in monosyllables ; but then it was allowed he 
seldom said a foolish thing. So invincible was his gravity that 
he was never known to laugh or even to smile through the 
whole course of a long and prosperous life. Xay, if a joke 
were uttered in his presence, that set light-minded hearers in a 
roar, it was observed to throw him into a state of perplexity. 
Sometimes he would deign to inquire into the matter, and 
when, after much explanation, the joke was made as plain as 
a pike-staff", he would continue to smoke his jiipe in silence, 
and at length, knocking out the ashes, would exclaim, *' Well ! I 
see nothing in all that to laugh about." 

AVith all his reflective habits, he never made up his mind 
on a subject. His adherents af-counted for this by the astonish- 
ing magnitude of his ideas. He conceived every subject on so 
grand a scale that he had not room in his head to turn it 
over and examine both sides of it. Ci-rtain it is, that, if any 
matter were propounded to him on which ordinary mortals 
would rashly determine at first glance, he Mould ])ut on a 
vague, mysterious look, shake his capacious head, smoke some 



36 KNirKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

time in profound silence, and at length observe, that " he had 
his doubts about the matter ;" which gained him the reputa- 
tion of a man slow of belief and not easily imposed upon. 
^^'hat is more, it gained him a lasting name ; for to this habit 
of the mind has been attributed his surname of Twiller ; which 
is said to be a corruption of the original Twijfler, or, in plain 
English, Doubter. 

The person of this illustrious old gentleman was formed 
and proportioned as though it had been luoulded by the hands 
of some cunning Dutch statuary as a model of majesty and 
lordly grandeur. He was exactly five feet six inches in height, 
and six feet five inches in circumference. His head was a per- 
fect sphere, and of such stujicndous dimensions, that dame Na- 
ture, with all her sex's ingenuity, would have been puzzled to 
construct a neck capable of supporting it ; Avherefore she wisely 
declined the attempt, and settled it firmly on the top of his 
backbone, just between the shoulders. His body was oblong 
and particularly capacious at bottom ; which was wisely ordered 
by Providence, seeing that he was a man of sedentary habits, 
and very averse to the idle labor of Avalking. His legs were 
short, but sturdy in proportion to the weight they had to sus- 
tain ; so that when erect he had not a little the aj)pearance of 
a beer-barrel on skids. His face, that infallible index of the 
mind, ])resented a vast exjianse, unfurrowed by any of those 
lines and angles which disfigure the human countenance with 
what is termed expression. Two small gray eyes twinkled 
feebly in the midst, like two stars of lesser magnitude in 
a hazy firmament, and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to 
have taken toll of everything that went into his mouth, were 
curiously mottled and streaked with dusky red, like a spitzen- 
berg ai)ple. 



' ;•"•#•"' 




THK (;<)LI)KX REKiX OF WOUTER VAN TWILLKH. oO 

His habits were as regular as his person. Ho daily took 
his four stated meals, appropriating exaetly an hour to each ; 
he smoked and doubted eight hours, and he slept the remain- 
ing twelve of the four-and-tweuty. Sueh was the renowned 
Wouter Van Twiller, — a true philosopher, for his mind was 
either elevated above, or trancpiilly settled below, the cures and 
perplexities of this world. He had lived in it for years, with- 
(»ut feeling the least curiosity to know whether the sun revolved 
round it, or it round the sun ; and he had watched, for at least 
half a century, tiie smoke curling from iiis ])ij)e to the ceiling, 
without once troubling his head with any of those numerous 
theories by which a philosopher would have pcr])lexed his l)nun, 
in accounting for its rising al)ove the surrounding atmosphere. 

In his council he presided with great state and solemnity. 
He sat in a huge chair of solid oak, hewn in the celei)rated 
forest of the Hague, fabricated by an exj)erieneed timnierman 
of Amsterdam, and curiously carved about the arms and feet 
into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws. Instead of a 
sceptre, he swayed a long Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmine 
and amber, which had bi'di j)resented to a stadtholder of Hol- 
land at the conclusion of a treaty with one of the petty I)ar- 
bary powers. In this stately chair woidd he sit, and this 
magnificent pipe woidd he smoke, shaking his right knee with 
a constant motion, and fixing his eye for hours together upon 
a little j)rint of Amsterdam, which hung in a black frame 
against the opposite wall of tlie council-chamber. Xay. it has 
even been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary 
length and intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned ^^'outcr 
Mould shut his eyes for full two hours at a time, that he might 
not be disturbed by external objects ; and at sucii times the 
internal commotion of his mind was evinced bv certain rcirular 



40 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

guttural sounds, wliidi his atlmirers declared were merely the 
noise of conflict, made by his contendinii: doubts and opinions. 

The very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate 
was distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave 
flattering presage of a wise and equitable administration. The 
morning after he had been installed in office, and at the moment 
that he was making his breakfast from a prodigious earthen 
dish, filled with milk and Indian ])udding, he was interrupted 
by the appearance of AYandle Schoonhoven, a very important 
old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of 
one Barent Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a set- 
tlement of accounts, seeing that there was a heavy balance in 
favor of the said "NVandle, Governor Van Twiller, as I have 
already observed, was a man of few words ; he was likewise a 
mortal enemy to multiplying writings — or being disturbed at 
his breakfast. Haviu"; listened attentivelv to the statement of 
Wandle Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shovelled 
a spoonful of Indian pudding into his moutii, — either as a sign 
that he relished the dish, or comprehended the story, — he called 
unto him his constable, and pulling out of his breeches-pocket 
a luige jack-knife, dispatched it after the defendant as a sum- 
mons, acconipanit'd by his tobacco-box as a warrant. 

This summary process was as efll'ctual in those simple days 
as was the seal-ring of the great Harouu Alraschid among the 
true believers. The two parties being confronted before him, 
each ])r()(hi('('d a book of accounts, written in a language and 
character that would have ])uzzl('d any l)ut a Iligli-Dutch com- 
mentator, or a learned decipherer of Egyptian obelisks. The 
sa'je Wouter took tliem one after the other, and having poised 
them in his hands, and attentively counted over the number of 
leaves, fell straightway into a very great doul)t, and smoked 



THE GOLDEX UEICN OF WOUTER VAN TWII.LEIJ 41 

for half ail lioiir without saying a word ; at length, laying his 
finger beside his nose, and shutting his eyes for a moment, with 
the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the tail, 
he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column 
of tobacco-smoke, and with marvellous gravity and solciimity 
])r()iiouu('ed, tliat, having carefully counted over the leaves and 
weighed the books, it was found, that one was just as thick and 
as heavy as the other : therefore, it was the final opinion of 
the court that the accounts were equally balanced : therefore, 
Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent should give 
Wandle a receipt, and the constable should j)ay the costs. 

This decision, being straightway made known, diffuse<l gen- 
eral joy throughout New Amsterdam, for the peo]ile immediately 
perceived that they had a very wise and equitaljle magistrate to 
rule over them. But its ha})piest effect was, that not another 
lawsuit took place throughout the whole of his adiuinistration ; 
:uul the office of constable fell into such decay, that there was 
not one of those losel scouts known in the province for many 
years. I am the more jiarticular in dwelling on this trans- 
action, not only because I deem it one of the most sage and 
righteous judgments on record, and well worthy the attention 
of modern magistrates, but because it was a miraculous event 
in the history of the renowned Wouter — being the only time 
he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course 
of his life. 

To assist till' doubtful Wouter in the arduous business of 
legislation, a board of magistrates was appointed, which })resided 
immediately over the police. This potent body consisted of a 
sellout or bailiff, with powers between those of the present 
mayor and sheriff; five burgenneesters, who were equivalent to 
aldermen ; and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs, subdevils, 



42 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

or l)<)ttlc-h()l(k'i's to tlie burgerraeesteers, in tlie same manner as 
do assistant aklerinen to their principals at tlie present day, — 
it being their duty to fill the pipes of the lordly bnrgermees- 
ters, hunt the market for delicacies for corporation dinners, and 
to discharge such other little offices of kindness as were occa- 
sionally required. It was, moreover, tacitly understood, though 
not specifically enjoined, that they should consider themselves as 
butts for the blunt wits of the burger meesters, and should laugh 
most heartily at all their jokes; but this last was a duty as 
rarely called in action in those days as it is at present, and was 
shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of a fat 
little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccess- 
ful effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's 
best jokes. 




11. 



BIIE sai«;e council not boiiio; able to (letcrniiiic upon 
any j)lan i'ov the buildinj;- of their city, the cows, 
in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their 
jH'euiiar charge, and, as they went to and from pas- 
ture, established paths throuii;h the bushes, on each side of 
Avhich the <^ood folks built their houses, — which is one cause of 
the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths which dis- 
tinguish certain streets of New York at this very day. 

The houses of the higher class were generally constructed 
of wood, excepting the gable end, which was of small, black 
and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced on the street, as 
our ancestors, like their descendants, were very much given to 
outward show, and were noted for putting the best leg fore- 
most. The house was always furnished with abundance of large 
doors and small windows on every floor, the date of its erection 
was curiously designated by iron figures on the front, and on 
the top of the roof was perched a fierce little weathercock, to 
let the family into the important secret which way the wind 
blew. 

These, like the weathercocks on the tops of our steeples, 

pointed so many diiferent ways, that every man could iiave a 

wind to his mind ; — the most stanch and loyal citizens, however, 

always went according to the weathercock on the top of the 

governor's house, whicii was certainly the most correct, its he 

had a trusty servant employed every morning to climb uj) and 

set it to the right (juarter. 

43 



44 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion 
for cleanliness was the leading principle in domestic economy, 
and the universal test of an able housewife, — a character which 
formed the utmost ambition of our unenlightened grandmothers. 
The front door was never opened, except on marriages, funerals, 
New- Year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great 
occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker, 
curiously wrought, sometimes in the device of a dog, and some- 
times of a lion's head, and was daily burnished with such re- 
ligious zeal, that it was ofttimes worn out by the very precau- 
tions taken for its preservation. The whole house was constantly 
in a state of inundation, under the discipline of mops and 
brooms and scrubbing-brushes ; and the good housewives of 
those days were a kind of amphibious animal, delighting ex- 
ceedingly to be dabbling in water, — insomuch that an historian 
of the day gravely tells us, that many of his townswomen grew 
to have webbed fingers like unto a duck ; and some of them, 
he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into, would 
be found to have the tails of mermaids, — but this I look upon 
to be a mere sport of fancy, or, w^hat is worse, a wilful mis- 
representation. 

The grand parlor was the sanctum sanctorum, where the 
passion for cleaning was indulged without control. In this 
sacred apartment no one was permitted to enter, excepting the 
mistress and her confidential maid, who visited it once a week, for 
the purpose of giving it a thorough cleaning, and putting things 
to rights, — always taking the precaution of leaving their shoes 
at the door, and entering devoutly on their stocking- feet. After 
scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which 
was curiously stroked into angles and curves and rhomboids 
with a broom, — after washing tlie windows, rubbing and pol- 



THE GOLDEN REKrX OF WOUTEIl VAN TWIM.KIJ. 15 

ishing the furniture, and putting a new bunch of evergreens in 
the fircphiee, — the window-shutters were again closed to keep 
out tlie flics, and the room carefully locked up until the revo- 
lution of time brought round the weekly cleaning-day. 

As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and 
most generally lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous 
household assembled round the fire, one would have imagined 
that he was transported back to those haj>py days of primeval 
simplicity, which float before our imaginations like golden vis- 
ions. The fireplaces were of a truly patriarchal magnitude, 
where the whole family, old and young, master and servant, 
black and white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a 
community of privilege, and had each a right to a corner. 
Here the old burgher would sit in perfect silence, puffing his 
pipe, looking in the fire with half-shut eyes, and thinking of 
nothing for hours together ; the goede vrouw, on the opposite 
side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn, or knit- 
ting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the 
hearth, listening with breathless attention to some old crone 
of a negro, who was the oracle of the family, and who, perched 
like a raven in a corner of the chimney, would croak forth 
for a long winter aflernoon a string of incredible stories about 
Xew-England witches, — grisly ghosts, horses without heads, — 
and hair-breadth escapes, and bloody encounters among the 
Indians. 

In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose 
with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. 
Dinner was invariably a private meal, and the fat old burghers 
showed incontestable signs of disaj)probation and uneasiness at 
being surprised 1)V a visit from a neighbor on such occasions. 
But though our worthy ancestors were thus singularly averse 



46 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

to iriving: dinners, yet they kept up the social bands of intimacy 
by occasional l)anquetings, called tea-parties. 

These fashionable parties were generally confined to the 
higlier classes, or noblesse, that is to say, such as kept their 
own cows, and drove their own Avagons. The company com- 
monly assembled at three o'clock, and went away about six, 
unless it was in winter-time, when the fashionable hours were 
a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. The 
tea-table was crowMied with a huge earthen dish, well stored 
with slices of fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and 
swimming in gravy. The company being seated round the 
genial board, and each furnished with a fork, evinced their dex- 
terity in launching at the fattest pieces in this mighty dish, — 
in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea, 
or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table 
was graced with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of pre- 
served peaches and pears ; but it was always sure to boast an 
enormous dish of balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, 
and called doughnuts, or olykoeks, — a delicious kind of cake, 
at jiresent scarce known in this city, except in genuine Dutch 
families. 

Tlic tea was served out of a majestic Delft teapot, orna- 
mented witli jxaintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shep- 
herdesses tending pigs, with boats sailing in the air, and houses 
built in the clouds, and sundry other ingenious Dutch fantasies. 
The beaux distinguished tlicniselves by their adroitness in re- 
plenishing this ])ot from a huge copper teakettle, whicli would 
have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat 
merely to look at it. To sweeten the beverage, a lump of 
sugar was laid beside each cup, and the company alternately 
nil)l)led and sipped with great decorum, until an improvement 



THK (JOLDKN HKKiX OF WOl'TER VAX TWILLEH. A7 

was iiitrodiicod by a shre^A•(l and economic old lady, which 
was to .sus})pnd a lar<rc lump directly over the tea-table, by a 
strinfjj from the ceiling, so that it could be swung trom month 
to month, — an ingenious expedient, which is still kept up by 
some families in Albany, but which prevails without exccjition 
in Comnumipaw, Bergen, Flatbush, and all our uncontaminated 
Dutch villages. 

At these primitive tea-parties the utmost j)ropriety and dig- 
nity of deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting, — no 
gambling of old ladies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of 
young ones, — no self-satisfietl struttings of wealthy gentlemen, 
with their brains in their pockets, nor amusing conceits and mon- 
key divert isements of smart young gentlemen, with no brains at 
all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated themselves de- 
murely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own woollen 
stockings ; nor ever opened their lips excepting to say yah Myn- 
heer, or, yah ya Vvouw, to any question that was asked them ; 
behaving in all things like decent, well-educated damsels. As 
to the gentlemen, each of them tranquilly smoked his [)ipe, and 
seemed lost in contemplation of the blue and white tiles with 
which the fireplaces were decorated; wherein sundry passages 
of Scripture were piously portrayed : Tol^it and his dog figured 
to great advantage ; Haman swung conspicuously on his gibbet ; 
and Jonah a])peared most manfully bouncing out of the whale, 
like Harlequin through a barrel of fire. 

The parties broke up without noise and without confusion. 
They were carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, 
by the vehicles nature had provided them, excepting such of 
the wealthy as could afford to kee]> a wagon. The gentlemen 
gallantly attended their fair ones to their respective abodes, and 
took leave of them with a hearty smack at the door: which. 



48 



KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 



as it was an established piece of etiquette, clone in perfect sim- 
plicity and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, 
nor should it at the present ; — if our great-grandfathers ap- 
proyed of the custom, it ^yould argue a great want of deference 
in their descendants to say a M'ord airainst it. 








THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. 



I. 




rrJTELMUS KIEFT, who in 1634 ascencled the 
tiul)orniit()rial chair (to borrow a favorite thoii*ih 
chimsy appc'lhition of modern phraseologi.st.s), was 
of a h)fty descent, liis fatlier being inspector of 
windmills in the ancient town of Saardam ; and onr hero, we 
are told, when a boy, made very cnrions investigations into the 
nature and operation of these machines, which was one reason 
why he atlerwards came to be so ingenious a governor. His 
name, according to the most authentic etymologists, was a cor- 
ruption of Kyver, that is to say, a irrfnir/icr or scolder, and 
expressed the characteristic of his family, which, iltr nearly two 
centuries, hatl kept the windy town of Saardam in hot water, and 
])roduced more tartars and brimstones than any ten families in the 
])lace ; and so truly did lie inherit this family i)eculiarity, that he 
had not been a year in the government of the province, before 
he was imiversally denominated William the Testy. Ilis aj^pear- 
ance answeral to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, waspish little 
old gentleman ; such a one as may now and then be seen stumj)- 
ing about our city in a broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a 
cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and a cane as high 

as his chin. His face was broad, but his features were sharp ; his 

7 a 49 



OO KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

cheeks were scorched into a dusky red by two fiery little gray 
eyes; his nose turned u[), and tlie corners of his mouth turned 
down, pretty nuich like the nuizzle of an irritable pug-dog. 

I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human 
physiology, that if a woman waxes fat with the ]M'ogress of 
vears, her tenure of life is soniewhat ])recai'ious, but if haply 
she withers as she grows old, she lives forever. Such ]>romiscd 
to be the case with William the Testy, who grew tough in 
proportion as he dried. He had withered, in fact, not through 
the process of years, but through tlie tropical fervor of his soul, 
which burnt like a vehement rush-light in his bosom, inciting 
him to incessant broils and bickerings. Ancient traditions speak 
much of his learning, and of the gallant inroads he had made 
into the dead languages, in which he had made captive a host 
of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and })rought olf rich booty 
in ancient saws and apothegms, which he was Mont to j)arade 
in his public harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his 
spolia opiiiui. Of metaphysics he knew enough to confound all 
hearers and himself into the bargain. In logic, he knew the 
whole fiimily of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so })roud 
of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident fact to 
pass unargued. It was observed, however, that he seldom got 
into an argument without getting into a perplexity, and then 
into a passion with his adversary for not being convinced gratis. 

He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of 
several of the sciences, was fond of experimental philosopliy, 
and prided himselt' upon inventions of all kinds. His abode, 
which he had fixed at a Bowerie or country-seat at a sliort dis- 
tance from the city, just at what is now called Dutch Street, soon 
abounded with proofs of his ingenuity : patent smoke-jacks that 
re(|uired a horse to work them ; Dutch ovens that roastetl meat 



THE llEKwN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. 



51 



without fire ; carts that went before the horses ; weathercocks 
that turned against the wind ; and other wrong-headed contri- 
vances tliat astonished and confounded all beholders, Tiie Ikjusc, 
too, was beset with pai-aiytic cats and <logs, the subjects of his ex- 
perimental philosophy ; and the yelling and yelping of the latter 
unhappy victims of science, while aiding in the pursuit of knowl- 
edge, soon gained for the place the name of " Dog's Misery," 
by which it continues to be known even at the present day. 

It is in knowledge as in swimming : he who flounders and 
splashes on the surface makes more noise, and attracts more atten- 
tion, than the pearl-diver who quietly dives in quest of treasures 
to the bottom. The vast acquirements of the new governor 
were the theme of marvel among the simple burghers of Xew 
Amsterdam ; he figured about the place as learnetl a man as a 
Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one-half of the Chinese al- 
l)habet, and was unanimously pronounced a " universal genius !" 




11. 




O sooner had this bustling little potentate been blown 
by a whiff of fortune into tlie seat of government 
than he called his eouneil together to make them a 
speeeli on the state of attairs. 

Caius Graechus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman 
populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch- 
pipe; Wilhelmus Kieft, not having such an instrument at hand, 
availed himself of that nuisical organ or trump which nature 
has implanted in the midst of a man's face : in other wcuxls, 
he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose, — a 
preliminary flourish much in vogue among public orators. 

He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his 
utter unworthiness of the high post to which he had been ap- 
pointed ; which made s(jme of the simple burghers wonder why 
he undertook it, not knowing that it is a point of etiquette 
with a public orator never to enter upon office without declaring 
himselr unworthy to cross the threshold. He then proceeded 
in a n)aiHU'r liighly classic and erudite to speak of govermnent 
generally, and of the governments of ancient Greece in jiartic- 
ular, together with tiie wars of Rome and Carthage, and the 
rise and fall of sundry outlandish empires which the worthy 
burgluM's had never read nor heard of. Having thus, after the 
maimer of your learned orator, treated of things in general, he 
came, l)y a natural, roundabout transition, to the matter in 
hand, namely, the daring aggressions of the Yankees. 

As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate 

has of handling his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and 
52 



Ii:!llll'|.,,n^ 




Till-; RKICN OF WILLIAM THE TKSTY. 55 

bulletins, where he has the talk all on his own side, they may- 
rest assured that William the Testy did not let such an op- 
portunity escape of giving the Yankees what is called '' a tiiste 
of his ([ualitv." In speaking of their inroads into the terri- 
tories of their High Mightinesses, he coiii]):ii"cd them to the 
Gauls who desolated Rome, the Goths and Vandals who over- 
ran the fairest plains of Europe ; but when he came to si)eak 
of the unparalleled audacity with which they of Weathersfield 
had advanced their patciies up to the very walls of Fort (Joed 
Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onions, tears of 
ra^ii started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence 
in question. 

Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed 
a most belligerent look, and assured the council that he had de- 
vised an instrument, potent in its effects, and which he trusted 
would soon drive the Yankees from the land. So saying, he 
thrust his hand into one of the deep pockets of his broad-skirted 
coat, and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an instru- 
ment in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the 
table. 

The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a war\' 
housewife does at a gun, fearful it may go oif half-cocked. 
The document in question had a sinister look, it is true ; it 
was crabbed in text, and from a broad red ribbon dangled the 
great seal of the province, about the size of a buckwheat pan- 
cake. Still, after all, it was but an instrument in writing. 
Herein, however, existed the wonder of the invention. The 
document in question was a Proclamation, ordering the Yan- 
kees to depart instantly from the territories of their High 
Mightinesses, under pain of suffering all the forfeitures and 
punishments in such case made and provided. It was on the 



5() KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

moral effect of this formidable instrument that Wilhelmus Kieft 
calculated, pledging his valor as a governor that, once fulmi- 
nated against the Yankees, it would, in less than two months, 
drive every mother's son of them across the borders. 

The council broke up in perfect wonder; and nothing was_ 
talked of for some time among the old men and women of 
Now Amsterdam but the vast genius of the governor, and his 
new and cheap mode of fighting by proclamation. 

As to A\'ilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation 
to the frontiers, he put on his cocked hat and corduroy small- 
clothes, and mounting a tall raw-boned charger, trotted out to 
his rural retreat of Dog's Misery. Here, like the good Xuma, 
he reposed from the toils of state, taking lessons in governrTcnt, 
not from the nymph Egeria, but from the honored wife of his 
bosom ; who was one of that class of females sent upon the 
earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of 
mankind, and commoidy known by the appellation of knowing 
women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make 
known a circumstance which was a great secret at the time, and 
consequently was not a subject of scandal at more than half 
the tea-tables in New Amsterdam, but which, like many other 
great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years, — and this 
was, that AVilhehnus the Testy, though one of the most intent 
little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species 
of government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato; in short, 
it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyranny, and is 
familiarly denominated petticoat (jovcrnment ; — an absolute sway, 
which, although exceedingly common in these modern days, was 
very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout 
made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates ; M-hich is 
the only an(;ient case on record. 



THE UKKJN OF WILLIAM THE TIISTV. 67 

The great Kieft, however, warded oif all the sneers and 
sareasnis of hi.s particular friends, who are ever ready to joke 
with a man on sore points of the kind, hy alleginjr that it was 
a government of liis own election, to which he submitted through 
choice, adding at the same time a profound maxim which he had 
found in an juieient author, that "he who would aspire to f/ovem 
should first learn to obey J' 




III. 



EVER was a more ooiiipreliensive, a more exjiedi- 
tioiis, or, what is still better, a more economical 
measure devised, than this of defeatino; the Yankees 
by proclamation, — an expedient, likewise, so gentle 
and humane, there were ten chances to one in favor of its suc- 
ceeding ; but then there was one chance to ten that it would 
not succeed : — as the ill-natured fates would have it, that single 
chance carried the day ! The proclamation was perfect in all 
its parts, Avell constructed, well written, well sealed, and well 
published ; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that 
the Yankees should stand in awe of it ; but, j)rovoking to re- 
late, they treated it with the most absolute contempt, a})plied it 
to an unseemly purpose; and thus did the lirst warlike procla- 
mation come to a shameful end, — a fate which I am credibly 
informed has befallen but too many of its successors. 

So far from abandoning the country, those varlets continued 
their encroachments, squatting along the green banks of the 
Varsche river, and founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, 
and other border-towns. I have already shown how the onion- 
})atches of Pyquag were an eyesore to Jacobus Van Curlet and 
his garrison ; but now these moss-troopers increased in their atroci- 
ties, kidnapping hogs, impounding horses, and sometimes griev- 
ously rib-roasting their owners. (^ur worthy forefathers could 
scarcely stir abroad without danger of being out-jockeyed in horse- 
flesh, or taken in in ])argaining; while, in their absence, some 
daring Yank(>e peddler would ]>enetrate to their household, and 
nearly ruin the good housewives with tin ware and wooden bowls. 



Tin-; HKIOX OF WU.MANf TMK TKSTV. o9 

It was long before William the Testy could ho persuaded 
that his much-vaunted war-measure was ineflf'ertual ; on tlie con- 
trary, he flew in a passion wliencver it was doubted, swearing 
that, though slow in operating, yet when it once began to work, 
it would soon purge the land ot" these invaders. Wiicii con- 
vinced, at length, of the truth, like a shrewd physician he at- 
tributed the faihu'c to tlie (|nantity, not tiie quaHty of tlie 
medicine, and resolved to douljk' tlie dose. He fidminate<l, 
therefore, a second proclamation, more vehement than the first, 
forbidding all intercourse with these Yankee intiiidcrs, order- 
ing the Dutch burghers on the frontiers to buy none of their 
pacing horses, measly pork, apple-sweetmeats, Weathersfield 
onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish them with no supplies 
of gin, gingerbread, or sourkrout. 

Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation 
was as little regarded as the first ; and the non-intercourse Avas 
especially set at naught by the young folks of both sexes, if 
we may judge by the active bundling which took place along 
the borders. 

At length, one day the inhabitants of Xew Amsterdam were 
aroused by a furious barking of dogs, great and small, and 
Ijeheld, to their surprise, the whole garrison of Fort Goed Hoop 
straggling into town all tattered and wayworn, with Jacobus 
Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy intelligence 
of the capture of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. 

The fate of this important fortress is an iin]>r('ssiv(' warning 
to all militai-y commanders. It was neither carried by storm 
nor famine ; nor was it undermined ; nor bombarded ; nor set 
on fire by red-hot shot ; but was taken by a stratagem no less 
singular than effectual, and which can never fail of success, 
whenever an (tpportunity occurs of putting it in practice. 



GO KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

It seems that the Yankees had received intelligence that the 
garrison of Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one- 
eighth by the death of two of his most corpulent soldiers, who 
had overeaten themselves on fat salmon caught in the Varsche 
river. A secret expedition was immediately set on foot to sur- 
prise the fortress. The crafty enemy, knowing the habits of 
the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their dinners 
and smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noontide of a 
sultry summer's day, and surprised them in the midst of their 
slumbers. 

In an instant the flag of their High Mightinesses was 
lowered, and the Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being 
a drial codfish, by way of a spread eagle. A strong garrison 
was appointed, of long-sided, hard-fisted Yankees, with AVeath- 
ersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to Jacobus Yan 
Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck, 
conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick 
in the crupper, as Charles XII. dismissed the heavy-bottomed 
Russians at the battle of Narva ; Jacobus Yan Curlet receiving 
two kicks in consideration of his official dignity. 




lY. 



IHE ovcs of all Now Amsterdam wero now tuniod to 
SCO what would be the end of this direful feud be- 
tween William the Testy and the ])atroon of llen- 
.sellaerwiek ;* and some, observing the consultations 
of the governor with the skijiper and the trumpeter, j)redi('ted 
warlike measures by sea and land. The wrath of William 
Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. 
He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, sna})ping and crackling 
for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant 
potentates, his first thoughts were all for Mar, his sober second 
thoughts for diplomacy. 

Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once more despatched 
u}) the river in the Com])any's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing 
Antony the Trumpeter as ambassador, to treat with the belliger- 
ent powers of Rensellaerstein. In the fulness of time the 
yacht arrived before Beam Island, and Antony the Trumpeter, 
mounting the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In a little 
while the steeple-crownetl hat of Nicholas Koorn, the wacht- 
meester, rose above the battlements, followed by his iron vis- 
age, and ultimately his whole person, armed to the very teeth ; 
while, one by one, a whole row of Helderbergei's reared their 
round burly heads above the wall, and beside each pnui])kiu- 
head peered the end of a rusty musket. Nothing dauntetl by 

* Duriii"; "Woutor V;in Twillcrs administration Kiilian Van Rensellaer 
came from Holland and founded a colony upon the ujiper regions of the 
Hudson. He encroached upon the colony of Nieuw Nederhinds, and subse- 
quently got into hot water with William the Testy. 

61 



62 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

this formidable array, ^Vntoiiy Van Corlear drew forth and read 
with audible voiee a missive from William the Testy, protest- 
ing against the usurpation of Beam Island, and ordering the 
garrison to quit the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the 
vengeance of the potentate of the Manhattoes. 

In reply, the wacht-raeester applied the thumb of his right 
hand to the end of his nose, and the thuml) of his left hand 
to the little finger of the right, and spreading each hand like 
a fan, made an aerial flourish with his fingers. Antony Van 
Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this sign, which 
seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking 
to betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the 
missive of William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn ap- 
plied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and 
the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the right, and 
repeated this kind of nasal weathercock. Antony Van Corlear 
now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or 
symbol, current in dij)lomacy, which, though unintelligible to 
a new diplomat, like himself, would speak volumes to the ex- 
perienced intellect of William the Testy ; considering his em- 
bassy therefore at an end, he sounded his trumpet with great 
complacency, and set sail on his return down the river, every 
now and then j)ractising this mysterious sign of the wacht- 
meester, to keep it accurately in mind. 

Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faithful report of 
his embassy to thp governor, accompanied by a manual exhibi- 
tion of the response of Nicholas Koorn. The governor was 
equally perplexed with his embassy. He was deeply versed in 
the mysteries of freemasom-y ; but they threw no light on the 
matter. He knew every variety of windmill and weathercock, 
but was not a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. 



Till". UKKiN OF WILLIAM THE TKSTV. 63 

He had even clal)l)led in Egyptian hieroglyphics and tlie mys- 
tic svnibols of the obelisks, but none furnished a key to the 
rej)lv of Nicholas Koorn. He called a met^ting of his eouneil. 
Anton V Van Corlear stood forth in the niidst, and putting the 
thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thuml) of his 
left hand to the finger of the right, lie gave a faithful fac- 
simile of the portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual di- 
mensions, it was as if the reply had been put in capitals; but 
all in vain : the worthy burgomasters were equally perplexed 
with the governor. Each one put his thumb to the end of his 
nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of 
Antony Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence. 
Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth like a fugle- 
man and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal weather- 
cocks might be seen in the council-chamber. 

Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all 
the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, and wise men of the Man- 
hattoes, i)ut none could interpret the mysterious reply of Nich- 
olas Koorn. The council broke up in sore perplexity. The 
matter got abroad, and Antony Van Corlear was stopped at 
every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious news- 
mongers, each of whom departed with his thumb to his nose 
and his fingers in the air, to carry the story home to his family. 
For several days, all business was neglected in New Amsterdam; 
nothing was talked of but the diplomatic mission of Antony 
the Trumpeter, — nothing was to be seen but knots of j)()liti(ians 
with their thumbs to their noses. Tn the mean time the fierce 
feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensclhu-r, 
which at first had menaced deadly warfare, gi'adually cooled 
off, like many other war-questions, in the prolonged delays of 
diplomacy. 



64 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein may be traced 
the remote origin of those windy wars in modern days which 
rage in the bowels of the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken 
the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to its foundation; 
for we are told that the bully boys of the Helderberg, who 
served under Nicholas Koorn the wucht-meester, carried back 
to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign Avhich had so sorely 
puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes ; 
so that to the present day the thumb to the nose and the 
fingers in the air is apt to be the reply of the Helderbergers 
whenever called upon for any long arrears of rent. 



THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT. 




I. 



ETER STUYVESANT was the last, and, like the 
renowned Wontcr Van Twiller, the best of our 
ancient Dutch governors, "NVouter having surpassed 
all who preceded him, and Peter, or Piet, as he was 
sociably called by the old Dutch burghers, who wvw ever prone 
to familiarize names, having never been equalled by any suc- 
cessor. He was in fact the very man fitted by nature to re- 
trieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not 
the fates, those most })otent and unrelenting of all ancient spin- 
sters, destined them to inextricable confusion. 

To say merely that he was a hero, would be doing him 
great injustice : he was in trutli a combination of heroes ; for 
he was of a sturdy, raw-ljoncd make, like Ajnx Tclamon, with 
a ])air of roiuid shoulders that Hercules would have given his 
hide for (meaning ills lion's hide) when he undertook to ease 
old Atlas of his hcid. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes 
Coriolanus, not only terril)lc for the forc(> of his arm, but like- 
wise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a 
barrel ; and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign 
contempt for the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, wlu'cli 

was enough of itself to make the very Ijowels of iiis adversaries 

9 65 



66 KXTCKER BOOKER SKETCHES. 

quake with terror and dismay. All this martial excellency of 
appearance was inexpressibly heit»:htened by an accidental ad- 
vantage, with Avhich I am surprised that neither Homer nor 
A'irgil have graced any of their heroes. This was nothing less 
than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in 
bravely fighting the battles of his country, l)ut of which he was 
so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more 
than all his other limbs put together ; indeed, so highly did he 
esteem it, that he had it gallantly enchased and relieved with 
silver devices, which caused it to be related in divers histories 
and legends that he Avore a silver leg. 

Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewdiat sub- 
ject to extempore bursts of passion, which were rather unpleas- 
ant to his favorites and attendants, whose perceptions he was 
apt to quicken, after the manner of his illustrious imitator, 
Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders with his walking- 
staff. 

Though I cannot -find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, 
or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet 
did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his 
measures, that one would hardly (■x])ect from a man who did 
not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it 
is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable 
aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his prov- 
ince after the sim])l('st maimer; but tiien he contrived t(» keep 
it in better order than did the erudite Kieft, though he liad all 
the ])hilosophers, ancient and jnodern, to assist and per})lcx liinu 
I nnist likewise own that he made but very few laws; but 
then, again, he took care that those few were rigidly and im- 
])artially enforced ; and I do not know but justice, on the 
whole, was as well administered as if there had been volumes 



THE HKKJX OF PETEU sriVVESANT. 07 

of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and 
f(ji'g<)tten. 

He was, in fact, the very reverse of his ])redecessors, being 
neither tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless 
and fidgeting, like AVilliani the Testy, — but a man, or rather a 
governor, of such nnt'onuuon activity and decisidii of mind, that 
he never sought nor accepted the advice of others, — depending 
bravely upon his ;?ingle head, as would a hero of yore upon his 
single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and dangers. 
To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete 
him as a statesman than to think always right; for no one can 
say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a 
man to flinch when he found himself in a scra})e, but to dash 
forward through thick and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, 
to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he pos- 
sessed, in an eminent degree, that great quality in a statesman, 
called perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by 
the vulgar, — a wonderful salve for official blunders, since he 
who perseveres in error without flinching gets the credit of 
boldness and consistency, while he who wavers in seeking to 
do what is right gets stigmatized as a trimmer. This much 
is certain ; aiitl it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all 
legislators, great anil small, who stand shaking in the wind, 
irresolute which way to steer, that a nder who follows his own 
will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes 
and whims of others runs great risk of pleasing nobody. There 
is nothing, too, liki' jMitting down one's foot resolutely when 
in doubt, and letting things take their course. The clock that 
stands still points right twice in the four-and-twcnty hoiu's, 
while others may keep going continually and be contimi;illy 
going wrong. 



68 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

Xor tlid this magnanimous quality escape the discernment 
of the good people of Nieuw Nederlands ; on the contrary, so 
much were they struck with the independent will and vigor- 
ous resolution displayed on all occasions by their new gov- 
ernor, that they universally called him Hard-Koppig Piet, or 
Peter the Headstrong, — a great compliment to the strength of 
his understanding. 

This most excellent governor commenced his administration 
on the 29th of May, 1647, — a remarkably stormy day, distin- 
guished in all the almanacs of the time which have come down 
to us by the name of Windi/ Friday. As he was very jealous 
of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated into 
office with great ceremony, — the goodly oaken chair of the re- 
nowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully j^reserved for such 
occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reveren- 
tially preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of 
the Caledonian monarchs. 




II. 



IXD now the great Peter,* Iiaviiiiji; no iinincdiatc hos- 
tility to apprehend from the cast, turned his face, 
with characteristic vigilance, to his southern frontiers. 
Tlie attentive reader will recollect that certain free- 
booting Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter 
in the latter part of the reign of William the Testy, setting at 
naught the proclamations of that veritable potentate, and putting 
his admiral, the intrejiid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect 
nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuy- 
vesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command 
of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had 
risen to great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. 
He had, if histories speak true, been second in command to 
the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were in- 
humanly kicketl out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In 
that memorable affair Van Poffenburg-h is said to have received 
more kicks in a certain honorable part than any of his com- 
rades, in consequence of which, on the resignation of Van Curlet, 
he had been promoted to his place, being considered a hero who 
had seen service, and suffered in his country's cause. 

It is tropically observed by honest old Socrates, that heaven 
infuses into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual 
gold, into others of intellectual silver, while others are intel- 
lectually furnished with iron and brass. Of the last class was 
General Van Poffenburgh ; and it would seem as if dame Xa- 

* Shortly after bocominij ijovcrnor, Peter was threatened with a Yankee 
invasion, which was averted by the defection of Massachusetts. — Ed. 

69 



70 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

turo, who will sometimes be partial, had given him brass enough 
for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to 
pass off upon AVilliam the Testy for genuine gold ; and the 
little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpow- 
der stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, 
Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite 
in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft 
to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave im- 
portance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, 
alwavs stvlino; himself Commander-in-chief of the Armies of 
the New Netherlands, though, in sober truth, these armies were 
nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle-bruising 
ragamuffins. 

In person he was not very tall, but exceedingly round ; 
neither did his bulk i)roceed from his being fat, but windy, 
being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own impor- 
tance, until he resembled one of those bags of wind given l)y 
^olus, in an incredible fit of generosity, to that vagabond war- 
rior Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the 
admiration of Antony Van Corlcar, who is said to have hinted 
more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van 
Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. 

To this copper captain, therefore, w'as confided the coinmand 
of the troops destined to i^rotect the southern frontier; and 
scarce had he departed fi)r his station than bulletins began to 
arrive from him, describing his undaunted march through sav- 
age deserts, over insurmountable mountains, across impassable 
I'ivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts 
of uniniiabited country, and encountering more perils than did 
Xenophon in his far-famed retreat with his ten thousand Gre- 
cians. 



THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVKSANT. 71 

Peter Stuyvesant read all these gramlilcxjuent despatches 
with a dubious scre\viu<^ of the mouth and shaking of the 
head ; but Antony Van Corlear repeated their contents in the 
streets and market-places with an appropriate flourish upon his 
trumpet, and the windy victories of the general resounded 
through the streets of New Amsterdam. 

On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Poffenburgh 
proceeded to erect a fortress, or strongh(^ld, on the South or 
Delaware river. At first he bethought him to call it Fort 
Stuyvesant, in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind of hom- 
age prevalent in our country among speeulatoi-s, military com- 
manders, and office-seekers of all kinds, by which our maps 
come to be studded with the names of political patrons and 
temporary greiit men ; in the present instance. Van Poffenburgh 
carried his homage to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress 
the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a favorite 
pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his Excellency. 

His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's 
heart good to behold the swelling dignity with which the gen- 
eral would stride in and out a dozen times a day, surveying it 
in front and in rear, on this side and on that ; how he would 
strut backwards and forwards, in full regimentals, on the top 
of the ramparts, — like a vainglorious cock-pigeon, swelling and 
vaporing on the top of a dove-cot. 

There is a kind of valorous sj)leen which, like wind, is apt 
to grow unruly in the stomachs of newly-made soldiers, com- 
pelling them to box-lobby brawls and l)roken-licadc(l (piMrrels, 
unless there can be found some more harndess way to give it 
vent. It is recorded in the delectable romance of Pierce Forest, 
that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did in- 
continently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor the trees 



72 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

with .siioli might and main, that he not merely eased off the 
sudden eifervescence of his vah)r, but convinced the whole court 
that he was the most potent and courageous cavalier on the 
face of the earth. In like manner the commander of Fort 
Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot 
within him, would sally forth into the fields and lay about 
him most lustily with his sabre, — decapitating cabbages by pla- 
toons, hewing down lofty sunflowers, which he termed gigantic 
Swedes, and if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied 
pnn'ipkins quietly basking in the sun, — " Ah ! caitiff Yankees !" 
would he roar, ''have I caught ye at last?" — So saying, with 
one sweep of his sword he w^ould cleave the unhappy vegeta- 
bles from their chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike 
havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return 
into the fortress with the full conviction that he was a very 
miracle of military prowess. 



ITT. 




OW luul the Dutc'lnncn siintclicd a hw^v rcjKist,* and 
iiiuling theniselv'cs wonderfully ('iic()iira;j:;od and ani- 
mated thereby, prcj)ared to take the field. Expee- 
tation, says the writer of the Stuyvesaiit maiiuseript, 
— Expcetation now stood on stilts. The; world forgot to turn 
round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray, — 
like a round-bellied alderman, watching the combat of two cliiv- 
alrons flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual 
in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like 
a little man in a crowd at a pupj)et-sh()w, scampered about the 
heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to 
get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that ()l)tru<led them- 
selves in his way. The historians filled their inkhorns ; the 
poets went without their dinners, either that they might buy 
paper and goose-quills, or because they could not get anything 
to eat. Anti([uity scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself 
outdone; while even Posterity stood unite, gazing in gaping 
ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. 

The inunortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the 
" affair" of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and 
sailed over the plain, or mingled among the combatants in dif- 
ferent disguises, all itching to have a finger in the j)ie. Jupiter 
sent off his thunderbolt to a noted copi)ersniith, to have it 
furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her 

* Fort Casimir having been captured by the governor of New Sweden, 
the gallant Peter retook it, and then led his victorious ai-niy to attack the 
Swedish stronghold of Fort Christina. 

76 



76 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

chastity to ])atronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear- 
eyed trull paraded the battlement*; of Fort Christina, accom- 
panied by Diana, as a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. 
The noted bully, Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, 
shouldered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered at their 
elbow, as a drunken corporal ; while Apollo trudged in their 
rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villanously out of 
tune. 

On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair 
of black eyes overnight, in one of her curtain-lectures with old 
Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; 
Minerva, as a brawny gin-sutler, tucked up her skirts, bran- 
dished her fists, and swore most heroically, in exceeding bad 
Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of 
keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as 
a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of 
militia. All was silent awe, or bustling preparation : war reared 
his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his 
direful crest of bristling bayonets. 

And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. 
Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, — incrusted 
with stockades, and intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. 
His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim array, each 
having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed 
back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the rani]iarts 
like a grisly death's-head. 

There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows knit, his teeth 
set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, 
so fierce was the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- 
ful s(|uire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his heels, with his 
trumi)et gorgeously bedeckeil with red and yellow ribbons, the 



THE RETOX OF PETEIt STT'VVFJ^ANT. 77 

remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manliattoes. Tlieii 
came waddling on the sturdy chivahy of the Hudson. There 
were tlie Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks ; 
the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the A"an Grolls ; the Van 
Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van lilaroonis ; the Van 
Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams ; the Van Pelts, the 
Van Ripj)ers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van 
Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunsehotens; the Van (Jel- 
ders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bummels; the Vander 
Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander I^yns, 
the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; — then came the 
Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Kyek- 
mans, the Dyekmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oot- 
honts, the Quaekenbosses, the Roerbaeks, the Garrebrantzes, the 
Bensons, the Brouwers, the Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra 
Vangers, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenburghs, the Brinkerhoffs, 
the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten 
Breecheses and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of 
worthies, whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they 
could be written, it would be impossible for man to utter, — all 
fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a great 
Dutch poet, 

" Brimful nf wnith iind cabbaijc." 

For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of 
his career, and mounting on a stump, addresse<l his troops in 
eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to fight like dui/cel.^, and 
assuring them that if they conquered, they shoidd get plenty 
of booty, — if they fell, they should be allowcnl the satisfaction, 
while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their 
country, and after they were dead, of seeing their names in- 
scribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in com])any 



78 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

with all the other ^reat men of the year, for the admiration of 
posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the Avord of a gov- 
ernor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), 
that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or 
playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run 
out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his 
trusty sabre, he brandished it three times over his head, ordered 
Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting the words " St. 
Nicholas and the Manhattoes !" courageously dashed forward. 
His warlike followers, who had employed the interval in light- 
ing their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a 
furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. 

The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not 
to fire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' 
eyes, stood in horrid silence on the covert-way, until the eager 
Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into 
them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills quaked 
around, and were terrified even unto an incontinence of water, 
insonmch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, 
which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman 
but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had 
not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes 
should, one and all, observe their usual custom of shutting their 
eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. 

The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counter- 
scarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious out- 
cries. And now might be seen prodigies of 'valor, unmatched 
in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brinkerholf 
brandishing his quarter-staif, like the giant Blanderon his oak- 
tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming 
a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. 



Till-: IlEKiX OF PETKIl STF VVKSA NT. 79 

There were the Van Kortlantlts, poste<l at a (listaneo, like the 
Locrian aroliers of yore, and plyinti; it must potently with the 
lung-bow, tor which they were so jnstly renowned. On a rising 
knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, assisting 
marvellously in the tight, hy chanting the great song ot" St. 
Nieholas ; hut as to the Gardeniers of Hudson, they were absent 
on a marauding party, laying waste the neighboring watermelon- 
pat ehes. 

In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of 
Antony's Nose, struggling to get to the thiekest of the fight, 
but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills, by reason 
of the length of their noses. So also the Van JJnnsehotens of 
Nyaek and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with the left foot, 
were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of 
the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been ])ut to 
utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, 
composed of the Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assist- 
ance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant 
achievements of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a good quarter 
of an h<jur, waged stubborn fight with a little jnu'sy Swedish 
drunuuer, whose hide he drummed most magnificently, and 
whom he would infallibly have anniliilated on the spot, but 
that he had come into the battle with no other weapon l)ut 
his trum])et. 

liut now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Ja- 
<'ol)Us \"arra \"anger and the fighting-men of the Wallabout ; 
afler them thundered the Van Pelts of Esopus, together with 
the Van Rij)pers and the A^an Brunts, bearing down all before 
them; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, pressing for- 
ward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors 
of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder-and-lightning gabertlines ; 



80 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

and lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuy- 
vesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. 

And now ooninienced the horrid din, the desperate struggle, 
the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion 
and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commin- 
gled, tugged, punted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened 
with a tempest of missives. Bang ! went the guns ; whack ! 
went the broadswords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went 
the musket-stocks ; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes and 
bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene I Thick thwack, 
cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head- 
over-heels, rough-and-tumble ! Dunder and blixum ! swore the 
Dutchmen ; splitter an<l splutter ! cried the Swedes. Storm the 
works ! shouted Har(lko})pig Peter. Fire the mine ! roared stout 
Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van 
Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, — 
grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling 
in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a 
paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight ; 
rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits ; and even Christina 
creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in breathless terror ! 

Long hung the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy shower 
of rain, sent by the " cloud-compelling Jove," in some measure 
cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group 
of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to 
return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at this juncture 
a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling 
toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a mo- 
ment, gazing in mute astonishment, until the wind, dispelling 
tiie nnu'ky cloud, revealed the flaunting l)anner of ^Michael Paw, 
the Patroon of Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came fear- 



THE KEIGX OF I'ETKIl HTUYVESANT. '^1 

lessly on at the head of a j)hahinx of oyster-fed Pavonians and 
a corpH de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bumniels, who 
had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they liad 
eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smokiiio- theii- 
pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that 
has been mentioned, but marching exceetliugly slow, being short 
of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. 

And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the 
Ne<lerlanders having unthinkingly left the Held, and stepped 
into a neighboring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of 
beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensue<l. Scjirce had the 
myrmidons of jNIichael Paw attained the front of battle, when 
the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingli, levelled a shower 
of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault, 
and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous war- 
riors gave way, and like a drove of frightened ele}>hants br(»ke 
through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers 
were borne down in the surge; the sacred banner emblazoned 
with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw was trampled in the 
dirt ; on blundered and tlunidered the heavy-sterned fugitives, 
the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their icct il 
parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with 
a vigor that ])rodigiously accelerated their movements ; nor did 
the renowned ^Michael Paw himself iail to receive divers grievous 
and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. 

But what, O INIuse ! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when 

from at"ar he saw his army giving way! In the ti'ansp(n-ts of 

his wrath he sent forth a roar, ent)ugh to shake the very hills. 

The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage at the 

sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of tiieir loader, of 

whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in 

11 



82 KXICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

Christendom. Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter 
dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe, Tlien 
might be seen aoiiievements wortiiy of the days of the giants. 
Wherever he went, the enemy shrank before him ; the Swedes 
fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their own 
ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly with headlong courage, 
the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a 
blow full at his heart ; but the protecting power which watches 
over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and 
directed it to a side-pocket, where reposed an enormous iron 
tobacco-box, endowed, like the shield of Achilles, with super- 
natural powers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of the blessed 
St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon 
the foe, and seizing him, as he fled, by an immeasurable queue, 
"Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, "here's what shall make 
worms' meat of thee !" So saying, he Avhirled his sword, and 
dealt a blow that would have decapitated the varlet, but that 
the l>itying^ steel struck short and shaved the queue forever 
from his crown. At tliis moment an anpiebusier levelled his 
piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim ; but the 
watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter, 
seeing the ])eril of her fiivorite hero, sent old Boreas witli his 
bellows, \vh(», as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast 
that blew tlie priming from the touch-iiole. 

Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, surveying 
the field from the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops 
banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing 
his falchion and utt(M'ing a thousand anathemas, he strode down 
to the scene of combat with some such thundering strides as 
Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken M'hen lie strode down 
the spheres to hurl his thunderbolts at the Titans. 



THE REICX OF PETER STUYVESAXT. 85 

Wlu'ii the rival licroes came face to face, eaeli made a pro- 
(liujious start in the style of a veteran 8tage-('hamj)ion. Then 
did tliev regard each other for a moment uith the hitter asi)e('t 
of two furious ram-cats on the point of a chijiperchnving. 
Then did tiiey throw themselves into one attitude, (hen into 
another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the i-ight 
side, tluMi on the left; at last at it they went, with iniTedihle 
ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor 
displayed in this direful encounter, — an encounter compared to 
which the far-famed battles of Ajax with Hector, of ^Eneas 
with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with 
Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight. Sir 
Owen of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle 
sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, 
watching his opjiortunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his 
adversary to the very chine; but Risingh, nimbly raising his 
sword, warded it off so narrowly, that, glancing on one side, it 
shaved away a huge canteen in which he carried his liquor, — 
thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a deep coat- 
pocket, stored with bread and cheese, — which provant rolling 
among the armies, occasioned a fearfid scrambling between thi' 
Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax 
more furious than ever. 

p]nraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Ri- 
singh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the 
hero's crest. In vain did his tierce little cocked hat oppose its 
course. The biting steel clove through the stubborn i-ani beaver, 
and would have cracked the crown of any one not entlowed 
with supernatural hardness of head; but the brittle weapon 
shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkojipig Piet, shedding a 
thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his griz/.ly visage. 



86 KNICKERBOCKER SKETCHES. 

The good Potcr reeled with the blow, and turning iij) his 
eyes beheld a thousand suns, besides moons and stars, daueing 
about the firmament ; at length, missing his footing, by reason 
of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of honor with 
a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and might have 
wrecked his frame, had he not been received into a cushion 
softer than velvet, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicho- 
las, or some cow, had benevolently prepared for his receptioji. 

The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by 
all true knights, that " fair play is a jewel," hastened to take 
advantage of the hero's fall ; but, as he stooped to give a fatal 
blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over the sconce with 
his wooden leg, which set a chime of bells ringing triple bob- 
n)ajors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered with 
the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol, which lay 
hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. 
Let not my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous weaptm 
loaded with ])owdcr and l)all, l)ut a little sturdy stone j)<)ttle 
charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch cour- 
age, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him 
by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped from 
his wallet during his furious encounter with the druiiuuer. The 
hideous weapon sang through the air, and true to its course as was 
the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, en- 
countered the head of the gigantic Swede %vith matchless violence. 

This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The jionder- 
ous ])ericranium of General Jan Risingh sank uj)on his bi'cast ; 
his knees tottered under him ; a death-like torpor seized upon 
his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence, that 
old Pluto started witli affright, lest he should have broken 
tiirough the roof of his infernal palace. 



THE IM:I(;N ok PHTKR STrVVKSANT. 



87 



His fall was the .signal of tlefeat and victory : the Swedes 
gave way, the Dutch pressed forward ; the fjniier took to their 
heels, the latter lujtly pursued. Some entered with them, j)ell- 
inell, through the sally-port; others stormed the bastion, and 
others .scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the 
fortress of Fort ChrLstina, which, like another Troy, had stood 
a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the 
loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness 
of a gigantic ox-fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the 
gallant Stuyvesant ; and it was declared, l)y all the writers 
whom he hired to write the history of his expedition, that on 
this memorable day he gained a suflicient (piantity of glorv to 
immortalize a dozen of the greate-st heroes in Christendom ! 




^^. 






:X 








"» 




' i 


;vv| 



\ 



i:\i.r'- 






